I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
