you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
