She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
