If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Pants are for mortals
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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