I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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