i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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