the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
