dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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