My cat gives me a boner
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
