Pants 0. Shit 1.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
