so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
