Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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