my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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