Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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