i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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