im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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