there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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