Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All the doctor said was why
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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