If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
