Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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