3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize