If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
