I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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