Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.