God, you're like boner-b-gone
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
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I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET