he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
