thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
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we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
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when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you