YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
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Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies