It's like God shit irony all over that family
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno