Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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