I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
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Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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