Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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