I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
