Just cropdusted the office
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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