My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
