Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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