I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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