Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
