Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
