I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
