alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
