Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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