So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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