1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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