ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
