I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.