I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip