My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim