Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.