I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
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Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
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Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed