the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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