saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?