I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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