Cold hands, warm shart.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
