I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
