I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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