Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
