Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he thought i was a dude.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
