Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
