So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
