my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
