I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
