I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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