I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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