so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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