In the future we'll all be gay
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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