Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
