I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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