have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
why do cheetos always look like penises
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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