Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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