we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
