hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
