you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize