i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
