I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
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Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think my moral compass just broke
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