It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
